Unrequited Love

Sales Dude McBoob · Post by **Sales Dude McBoob** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 2:38 pm

I just told mt best friend that I loved her, And she isnt even attracted to me. There is nothing quite like the pain of unrequited love. You wouldnt think that stuff like this should happen. But anyway IT DID!! . My body is quite numb at the moment. Quite why I am telling this to a group of people I have never met before, is beyond me. Just thought i would share.

I know this feeling very well.

It's good that you had the guts to tell her how you felt. For better or worse, it moves things forward. If she is your best friend, I guessing she probably needs you to be her friend.

Man, I've done the same thing, but usually I didn't have the nerve to tell the girl how I felt. That just made the feeling strain on way too long. But it seems like I spent much of my teenage life and most of my twenties in situations like that.

Now I'm 32 and it's just not like that anymore. For the past few years the whole 'girls' thing just sort of crystalized. I guess I became more confident, or something... I don't know. Maybe it's a maturity thing. All I'm saying is that if your path is anything like mine- shits going to get easier in this department.

Becoming an established successful musician is still going to elude you though.

hambone1 · Post by **hambone1** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 3:01 pm

Get a Mac... this chicks will be all over you... it seems to be working for SDMcB!

Humor gets me through shitty times...

New Yawkah · Post by **New Yawkah** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 3:18 pm

I feel you brother.
I agree with many others on this thread. I've composed some of my best work thru extreme emotion. Take advantage while the feelings are still intense. It will take your mind off it in the meantime as well. It SUCKS... But if it doesn't kill you, in the long run, it makes you much stronger.

Oh, and having meaningless sex with a complete stranger after something like that always made me feel better. I guess everybody's different.

Keep on keeping on!

Angstrom · Post by **Angstrom** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 3:52 pm

Ok everyone else has been all understanding so - here's my possibly practical advice. Some people might find this manipulative (at best!), but it is based on basic human sociology and a little 'power of suggestion'. I'm a bit of a Derren Brown type on the sly you see.

First thing.
Quite often people dont think of someone a certain way until it is pointed out to them, now you have mentioned "getting it on" to her .. she is at least aware of the concept. She might not be into the idea .. but it actually exists as a thought for her now.

Part 2 :
girls like a number of things in a man - one of them is that other girls like the man!
When I have a girlfriend .. other girls find me sexy, when I haven't .. it's much tougher.

So go and get an unsuitable woman to shag.

tell your unrequited-girl that as you cant have HER, you will not bug her about it and ruin your friendship .. you will go out with this unsuitable shag-monster instead. Make it clear that this shag of yours is sooo not up to her level - but you are doing it to stop from ruining what friendship you do have with the unrequited one.

Aaah!

Now, she at least thinks of you in a (potentially) sexual way - she now sees you with another woman .. that woman is subconciously a competitor!
The more time you spend with your casual peice and less with her - the better.

If she starts being catty about your casual shag - you know you are making headway.

keep bringing up the fact that you are only going out with the casual peice because you cant have her. This re-inforces the competitor angle and presents (subconciously ) a get out from the pressure situation to your girl. She can get rid of the competitor if she replaces her.

This evil strategy has worked for me in the past, it plays on our basic anthropoid knuckle-dragging sociology. Worth reading a bit of Desmond Morris and a bit of Neurolinguistics/suggestion if you want to follow more of these sinister techniques.

The bonus to this strategy being - you get a shag whether it works or not & you keep your mind occupied.

yes, I am evil - but it gets me through the day.

LOFA · Post by **LOFA** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 4:14 pm

The responses remind me of high-school. Because I used all of these dumb, manipulative tricks in highschool and they worked.

I was completely in love with my closest friend for over a year. She found out a year later. It turns out that my unwillingess to pursue it from earlier on had created a dynamic where the longer I waited, the farther out of her head it had had become as a possiblilty. It was her subjective decision, and as she was too passive agressive to compensate for my rationalized delays and meanderings, it was just uncomfortable when I brought it up.

So I hooked up with some other girl in front of her at a Rave to make her jealous. It worked. Days later the original girl was girl was all about my flavor. The rapid change was so turbulant that I felt I had lost this precious thing I had wanted in the first place.

We tried it out for a week or two and the relationship ended, So did our friendship. Had I opted to make my friendship with her better, now that there was nothing hidden in the way, I would probably still have had a healthy mature friendship with this great woman. I wish I had been mature, and realized what I was gambling when I inapropriately responded to not getting what I wanted.

Years alter I saw the girl that I had hooked up with at the rave. She had always been real into me, and now she was a tatoo artist, fire-breathing, suicide-girl looking sex-goddess. She told me things with her eyes during a quick 30 minute walk through the pre-gentrified Lower east side that made me realize bad karma transcends time and space, life and death. At least I got to apologize.

So be cool. You may not be shacking up with her, it may never happen at all. But, instead, your friendship has given you the great opportunity for sardonic witt, and better communication. It is only as much an awkward situaion as it is a unique canvas, big, perfcectly stretched and painted in her honor.

Hope I helped. Cheers!

kabuki · Post by **kabuki** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 4:38 pm

Good luck, mate. I feel you. Been there too. (She married another after a few years of bad decisions as I watched and helped clean up every mess - including a big-ass pile of vomit from my floor-board...

).

Just be cool and be yourself. Fuck games. That's why you two became close - no need for games. You never know what is around the corner. Hell, she didn't know about your feelings... she probably has those for you and is on sone forum asking for advice right now... good luck

Peace and love.

Sales Dude McBoob · Post by **Sales Dude McBoob** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 5:40 pm

made me realize bad karma transcends time and space, life and death. At least I got to apologize.

Heavy. Same thing goes for indignation caused from injustice.

I agree with Kabuk, steer clear from the games.

In the meantime rent the movie Pretty In Pink and cheer on Ducky when he scores the hot blonde in the end.

2kilo · Post by **2kilo** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 6:36 pm

painfull it is...
above all things...
truthfull to yourself and others you must be...
in everything you do...

YODA...
[don't think he got much though]

Been there, still there, got the travel card, feeling for ya mate, good luck...

coldmachine · Post by **coldmachine** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 6:39 pm

Baring your soul like that on a MUSIC site like a whinning tool says only one thing...You're a total wimp. Women dont like that. Dont be a douche bag, so cowboy to f*ck up and drill some other bitches. You sound like a total fag assed bitch.

djadonis206 · Post by **djadonis206** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 6:45 pm

I hate that shit - you'll be sitting around with some girl you've known for a long time and be like

"Oh, back in the day i use to have a crush on you."

then she be like

"Oh my god, you should have told me, blah blah blah"

so then the next time you feel that way about a girl and you tell her she's like

"Uhm, yeah, oh. I don't feel the same way."

it's the way it is...but my advise (coming from someone who's about to get married in march is...)

You can't trust a bitch - listen to gangsta rap, niggaz gots no love for bitches

You just gotz to be like, "I'm a player, bitch - I thought chu knew - like every other nigga in my crew" - Too Short

Or just be like "Look hooker, you needz to stop wasting a niggaz time! I'm trying to write beats and you're all up in my shit BIATCH!"

or

"Please ho! You ain't saying shit unless you talking about some money HO!"

or

"Bitch you're talking way to much, put those lips on this dick BIATCH!"

or

be like "I'm a cold ass nigga on a bitch and I gotz no reservations about putting yo ass in the hospital if you keep running yo punk ass mouth"

or say something like

"I'm trying to write beats ho and you're all up in a niggaz shit - you best step unless you want a timbaland up yo fat azz!"

or

"Ho, you needs to come off some cheddar to talk to this PIMP!"

or

"You want to make some money Ho? Then you needz to get with this Magnificent pimp right here!"

watch the DVD American Pimp and you'll feel like 10 times better

Later

!A to the mutha fuckin' Dizzie!

Angstrom · Post by **Angstrom** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 6:48 pm

ryansupak · Post by **ryansupak** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:16 pm

I've got the same advice as somebody above, but I'll try to say it a little more constructively:

I'd try to remain assertive and confident. As un-PC as it is, gender relations in this society are still based around the guy being the dominant one, and "making the moves".

Confidence and a nice smile can go a long way in these matters.

rs

djadonis206 · Post by **djadonis206** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:39 pm

Or...

"You see this computer bitch, you see this internet forum i'm on hooker - you needz to take 2 steps back before you end up all over this forum on my computer naked - with no registration or password required to see yo fat azz so step biatch PLEEEEZE!"

nebulae · Post by **nebulae** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:07 pm

I don't have any real words of wisdom that everyone here hasn't already said. Just a couple of observations:

1. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe this heartache will spawn the greatest music since Menudo. Use it! Maybe you will realize that you always loved her as a best friend, and she will continue to be that. Maybe she's a closet lesbo and has just saved you from years of therapy. Or just maybe, the girl of your dreams is just waiting around the corner...on match.com.

2. The Ableton Forum is mainly made up of rather sappy, fairly nerdy fe-mans. And I love you guys more for it!!! This thread's like Waiting to Exhale - German Techno Version. Everyone, group hug.

anti-banausic · Post by **anti-banausic** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:15 pm

Sorry mate,

All that I can tell you is read a bit of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, especially Love in the Time of Cholera.

Unrequited love is one of the most heart-wrenching things that a sentient, emotive human can feel. I am very sorry to hear your situation, but I will also say that you are to be commended for trying. So many people would live in the fear of the unwanted truth.

The best advice I have ever gotten is just a question in the form of Socrates:

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"