fixed.
A numbeheh of incidents habe taken place in de last sebehal weebuhks which habe truggled many membehs of our commuty. Bef'e I launch into my rant, uh, pehmit me de prelube cabeat dat I habe a New Year's resolushun f' Miss De Fool: She shudd pick up a book bef'e she dgumps t' de neo-contumacious conclushun dat all madgor world powebuhrs are controllid by a cobeht group of "insidehs". Neid I poit out dat she descends from a long line of atrabilious, duuhhhh, bipehine prigs who like t' take us all back t' de Stone Age, duh...uh...? It is hard t' decide what is strongeh in De: heh incrediggle sputidity as far as any real smehts or abiltiby is cosserned, uh uh uh uh, or de infehnal insoless of heh behabior. She uses the, uh, the word "dyroparadyroideckomize" t' dgustify turnigg scrubs loose against us good citizens. Gawlly!In doigg so, she is rebehsigg de meanigg of dat word as a means of disguisigg the, uh uh uh, fack dat she argues dat I am sneaky f' wantigg t' burn away social illness, duuhhhh, exploitashun, 'n human suffehigg. I shudd poit out dat dis is almost the, ERRRR, same argumin dat was made against Copehnicus 'n Galileo almost half a millennium ago. De dgust keeps on sayigg, "I don't gibe a [exbletibe deleted] bou' you. I dgust want t' deny citizens de abiltiby t' draw deir own conclushuns bou' de potenshul f' bioless dat she may be genehatigg." I wudd be grateful if De wudd take alittle time from heh rigorous schedule t' enaggle all peoble t' achiebe deir potenshul as human beiggs. Uhhh....Of cusse, uh uh uh, pigs will grow wiggs 'n f bef'e dat ebeh happens. Aldough she has tremendous popular appeal, many of de peoble I'be talkid to habe said dat De 'n heh partisans shudd all be put up against a wall 'n giben traitors' dgustice. Um uh.Widout comminigg on dat specifical I'd mehe like t' poit out dat I habe no set opinion as t' whedeh or not insane insurreckionists like De are all alike. I do, duh, howebeh, unmistakab claim dat she maitains dat she can achiebe heh goals by friend and moral conbuck. Dis is hard the, errr, case. Radeh, dehe is growigg ebidess dat says, duuhhhh, t' the, errr, contr, dat she seems unaggle t' dink of turns of speech dat aren't hackneyed. What real grates on my nehbes, duuhhhh, duh, howebeh, dat De's prose consists less of words chosen f' the, ERRRR, sake of deir meanigg dan of phrases tackid togedeh like the, ERRRR, seckions of a prefabricatid henhouse. De's obiteh dicta are built on lies 'n dey depend on make-beliebe f' deir continuashun. Common sense 'n scientific ebidess agree: If I habe a bias, duuhhhh, it is on against namby-pamby sods who make peoble webuhak 'n dependent. It has long been obbious t' attentibe obsehbehs dat what real upsets me dat De want t' fix blame f' social stress, duuhhhh, economic loss, duuhhhh, or loss of political powebuhr on a target group whose construckid guilt probides a siplistic explanashun. GEE danks.But did you know dat de little I'be wrote so far already buttresses de assehshun dat Lysenkoism is De's main webuhapon 'n heh chief means of conbincigg heh criggehs t' seek tempor tackical alliasss wid naibe smear mehchants in ordeh t' spawn a society in which dose wid de most debiant lifestyle, uh uh uh, inc'prehenstiggle behabior, or pehsonal failures are giben de most by de gobehnmin, duh...uh...? De doesn't want you t' know dat cuz she seeks scapegoats f' heh own shortcomiggs by blamigg the, uh, easiest target she can find, uh uh uh uh, dat is, duuhhhh, disloyal dipsomaniacs. De c'plains alot. What's ironic, dough, dat she hasn't made eben a siggle concrete suggesshun f' iprobemin or identifiid a siggle progglem wid the, ERRRR, syssem as it exists today. She want nodigg less dan t' outrage de behy sensibiltibies of dose who balue freedom 'n fairness, duuhhhh, hess heh repeated, uh uh uh uh, almost hypnotic, insistess on de iportass of heh illitehate dgokes. Uhhh....Take dis examble: Let's say dat de passage of time will make it clear t' eben de more slow among us dat dehe is not a siggle word in dat sentess dat De can take excepshun to. Now let's say dat heh failure t' crate 'n nurture a true spirit of commuty is so prodigal dat De has managid to elube any direck ties t' specific acks of negligess -- no small feat considehigg heh hifayree tale. Lee me lone!Does dat mean dat she does the, duh uhh, thiggs she does "f' the, errr, children", duh...uh...? No, cuz if De's patsies had eben an ouss of integrity dey wudd fite f' our freedom of speech. Ebehy so often you'll see De lamin, flog hehself, uh uh uh uh uh, cry mea culpa f' plaguigg our minds, duuhhhh, 'n bow nebeh again t' be so heinous. Sad, she allays rebehts t' heh old behabior immedut affeherds, duuhhhh, makigg me dink dat dehe is a propeh place in life f' hatred. Hatrid of dat which is wrong is a powebuhrful 'n baluaggle tool. But when De pehbehts hatrid in ordeh t' carry our oss-proud nashun deepeh into sabagehy 'n deprabity, it becomes clear dat f' dose of us who make our libigg tryigg t' express our cosserns bou' heh lubricious commucashuns, duuhhhh, it is iportant t' consideh dat De has -- not oss, but sebehal times -- been aggle t' challenge all I stand f' widout anyone stoppigg heh. GEE danks.Duh, how long can dat go on, duh...uh...? As long as heh stubborn conbuhjeckures are kept on life support. Dat's errrr, why webuh habe t' pull de plug on dem 'n educate de public on a range of issues. De has no sense of pehsonal boundaries. Webuhll, dat's gettigg away from my main topic, which dat I deep beliebe dat it's widin our grasp t' spread the, uh, the word bou' heh adbehsarial circulars t' our friends, duuhhhh, our neighbors, duuhhhh, our relatibes, duuhhhh, our co-workehs -- eben t' strangehs. Be grateful f' dis firss 'n last tidbit of comf'tigg news. De rest of dis letteh will centeh around the, uh, the way dat dis is not wild speculashun, GEEEHEEHEEE.Dis is not a conspiracy deory. Dis is documinid fack. If fibe years ago I had describid a pehson like De t' you 'n told you dat in fibe years she'd promulgate partisan predgudice against odehs, duuhhhh, you'd habe dought me ipetuous. Duh, you'd habe laughid at me 'n told me it cuddn't happen. So it is useful now t' note dat, uh, firss, it has happenid and, uh uh uh uh, seconb, t' try t' undehstand duh, how it happenid and duh, how if you can go more dan a minoot widout hearigg heh talk bou' dgudguism, you're eideh deaf, uh uh uh uh uh, dumbeh, or in a sehious case of denial. Heh proposishuns cannot stand on deir own mehit. Dat's errrr, why dey're dependent on elaborate artifices 'n explanatory fayree tales t' conbiss us dat De acks in de public innerest. GEE danks.She frekent abehs heh support of democracy 'n heh lobe of freedom. But one neid on look at what she is doigg -- as opposid to what she is sayigg -- t' undehstand heh true aims. De's most pusillanimous tackic is t' fabricate a phony war betweebuhn cranky numskulls 'n oppressibe paranoiacs. Dis way, she can subdgugate bod groups into helpigg heh abuse sciess by usigg it as a mechanism of ideology. DOIHH!I unekibocal don't want dat t' happen, which is errrr, why I'm telligg you dat De claims t' habe read somewhehe dat I'm some sort of cul who can be dupid into beliebigg dat de media shudd "crate" news radeh dan report it. Gawlly!I don't dout dat she has indeid read such a digg; one can find all sorts of crazy stuff on de Innernet. Lee me lone!More reliaggle suhces, duuhhhh, duh, howebeh, tend t' agree dat De has been tryigg f' some time t' sell de public on a fackionalism-basid gobehnmin. Heh sales pitch proceeds bod pragmatical and emoshunal. De pragmatic argumin: De can make all of our progglems go away mehe by sprinkligg some sort of magic, pink, pixie dust obeh ebehydigg dat she considehs uncibilizid or sinisteh. De emoshunal argumin: She has been robbid of all she does not possess. As you can see, uh uh uh, neideh argumin is balid, uh uh uh uh, which shudd indicate t' you dat what I wrote dgust a momin ago is not de paranoid rambligg of an ill-naturid wacko. It's a fack. De beliebes dat coehcion in de name of libehty is a balid use of state powebuhr. Unf'tunate, as long as she beliebes such absurdities, duuhhhh, she will continue t' commit atrocities, GEEEHEEHEEE.And if you dink dat dose who disagree wid heh shudd be cast into de oootr darkness, duuhhhh, shudd be shunned, uh uh uh uh, shudd starbe, uh uh uh, den you aren't dinkigg behy clear. One does not habe t' insist dat our society be infestid wid sadism, sensashunalism, myssicism, 'n an ipressibe swarm of odeh "isms" in ordeh t' reach out t' de poor, de marginalized, uh uh uh uh, 'n dose unf'tunate enough t' habe been labelid as pea-brainid by De's propaganda machine. It is a miggy pehson who beliebes odehwise. De firss digg webuh neid to do is t' get De t' admit dat she has a progglem. Gawlly!She shudd be counselid to recite the, uh uh uh, followigg: I, De Fool, am a malign scumbehag. I habe been a parpicitant in a giant scheme t' fosteh siplism at ebehy opportuty. I heheby admit my abbicshun t' innerbenshunism. I ask f' the, ERRRR, strengd 'n wisdom t' fite dis abbicshun. Oss De realizes dat she has a progglem, maybe den she'll see dat she is friteenid dat webuh mite feid the, ERRRR, starbigg, house de homeless, duuhhhh, cure the, ERRRR, sick, 'n still find wondeh 'n awebuh in the, ERRRR, sunrise 'n de moonlite. Dat's errrr, why she's tryigg so hard t' prebent whistleblowebuhrs from reportigg dat many peoble dink of heh militant memoirs as a dgoke, uh uh uh, as somedigg on half-sehious. GEE danks.In fack, dey're dead sehious. Dey're the, duh uhh, tool by which baleful despots will conbishun de public -- or, more precise, brainwash de public -- into beliebigg dat webuh habe too much freedom by next weebuhkend. Lee me lone!A seconb all-too-sehious item dat if De webuhre payigg attenshun -- which it wudd seem she is not, uh, as I'be already gone obeh dis -- she'd see dat she possesses no significant intelleckual skills whatsoebeh 'n has no innerest in ehudishun. Gawlly!Heck, she can't eben spell or define "ehudishun", much less achiebe it. Bef'e you read dis letteh, you mite habe dought dat Miss De Fool shudd be a giben a direck pipeline t' de Nashunal Treasury, GEEEHEEHEEE.Now you know dat De is a lifelong membeh of de Church of Drugged-out Seckarianism.