[ot] jokes, preferably juvenile...

[mikemc]

Q: What did the zero say to the eight?
A: Nice belt.

A snail was going out for a stroll. Suddenly, it was jumped by two turtles, who tried to rob the snail, but a passerby came by and called the police. The police came, and asked the snail what the attackers looked like. The snail replied, "I.. I... don't know. It all happened so fast."

A German philosopher goes into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender brings him a beer. The German philosopher thinks, 'I am existentially aware enough to know I am in a joke, but it isn't seeming very funny.' The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

[Mint Invader]

Q: Why dont dinosaurs tell good jokes.

A: Because they're dead...

[Martyn]

Q: What's pink, wrinkly, and goes in and out stinking of piss?

A: Your grandparents doing the Okie Kokie.

[nowtime]

Larry and Bob wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00 between them. Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea."

He went next door to the butcher's shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage. Bob said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"

Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me." They went into the pub where Larry immediately ordered two double shots of Jack Daniels.

Bob said, "Now you've lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this!" Larry replied, with a smile," Don't worry - I have a plan.

Cheers!" They downed their drinks. Larry said "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you get on your knees and put it in your mouth." Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth bar, Bob said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this anymore. My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!" Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage at the third bar!"

[Pitch Black]

1st DJ: "You wanna go to the movies tonight?"

2nd DJ: "I don't know... who's the projectionist?"

[ThrowAway]

Two hookers were on a street corner.
They started talking business and one of the hookers said, "Yeah, it's gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air".
The other hooker looked at her and said, "Nope, I just burped."

[8O]

"Doctor, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"Don't worry, you've just Tom Jones Syndrome."
"What's that? Is it common?"
"Well, it's not unusual."

[8O]

St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates, waiting for new souls coming to heaven. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"

"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"

"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."

"Sounds easy enough. OK."

So Jesus manned the gates for St. Peter. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to sit down and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What did you do for a living?"

The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."

Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked.

"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."

Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"

"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."

Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"

The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"

[dhilsabeck]

[dhilsabeck]

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but plastic food wrap as underwear. The psychiatrist took one look at him and said, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

[nebulae]

10 young firemen walk into a gay bar.

[beats me]

10 young firemen walk into a gay bar.

He said jokes. Not your idea of a perfect night.

[casioaz1]

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop."

[nebulae]

10 young firemen walk into a gay bar.

He said jokes. Not your idea of a perfect night.

The punchline: Who's my bitch?

[scientist]

a guy is moving into his new house when there's a knock at the door. he opens it and its a sort of sketchy looking dude.

'hi, i'm your neighbor, welcome to the neighborhood! hey if you'd like to come by my place i'm having a party tonight. i live just up the road.'

'okay' says the new homeowner.

'great! i gotta warn you though...there might be some drinking. are you okay with that?'

'sure.'

'great! great! now i gotta warn you, there might be some drugs...maybe some weed, cocaine, ya know. paaarty, right? i don't want to put you off..'

'oh, that's fine. i smoke a bit here and there.'

'great...now i'll tell ya straight up. it can get outta hand and there might be some fighting...ya never know.'

'hmm. well, i guess i can put up with it.'

'alriiight! now we're talking. one last thing...if things get really crazy there might even be some sex happening before the night's over...'

'ahh...umm...well if it gets to that! so, what time should i show up?'

'oh drop by any time...its gonna be just you and me!'