Tohtruck wrote:Johnisfaster wrote:speaking of suicide, you know whats always pissed me off? that old saying "suicide is the most selfish thing a person could do, they aren't even thinking about their families"
thats a load of blind fucking unempathetic bullshit, people gotta understand that others are hurting deeply and they didn't do it to be selfish they did it cause they couldn't take it. some of these people even have mental instabilities. selfish my ass. and "they aren't even thinking about their families" well, maybe their families hated them. or maybe junior called dad an asshole and ran away and never calls anymore.
my point is I feel for people in that situation, I was close at one point in my life but never close enough to try thank God. people should pull their heads out of their asses and try to see where someone is coming from.
sorry, rant over.
Completely agree man. It also pisses me off when people say stuff like that. It's a very narrow-minded view of things, and shows alot of misunderstanding. And I think most of the people who say that kind of thing have probably never really been in that truly dark corner of life.
And I also agree that alot of people who probably decide to end it all probably feel at that point that the world and the people around them would probably be better off without them. I know that I've felt that way before. When you're in a deep depression and can barely function in normal everyday life, a part of you can't help but think that maybe it would be a burden to people around you. You also worry that maybe being around people and your family when you're in such a deep dark state would put them down too, and the last thing anyone wants is to be the one who makes other people feel the same way you do at that point.
Its difficult to believe that you can get through things or whatever issues are going on when you can barely get out of bed in the morning, let alone be a functional productive member of society.
The hopelessness and helplessness are the most difficult feelings. You feel like you're desperately hanging on by a thread, so why even try?
I've been through some pretty deep depressions, and I still do get depressed alot. But I do the same thing and try to remember and believe that time helps. I can't really say that it heals, maybe I'm still too young and naive to believe this? But I think at the very least it quells.
I do think that there are times when people who are in the middle of a dark time really can't see a wider picture/view of their situation. Having your mind clouded or numbed without the use of drugs/stimulants is scary. Often times its so slow in occurring , building up over months or years. I can't comment on the quality of thoughts another person has in order for them to reach a conclusion to end their life, but I can point out a few things based on my own experience.
1. When I thought of suicide as 'the answer,' I had no hope. I could not see brightness for my future. Every thing I did was worthless. I could not see a point to doing the things I was doing. If I compare this to how I operate today, I do have hope, my actions have worth and there is a point to what I do.
2. When I thought of suicide as 'the answer,' I had no joy. Not one single thing I did could raise the emotion of joy. Specifically I mean joy as an emotional reward for accomplishing something. There were momentary patches of
enjoyment of activities, but no joyful reward that I could carry around with me, think back to as a reference, and then make plans to build on that.
3. When I thought of suicide as 'the answer,' I had lost 'attachment' to my wife. This woman I had so totally fallen in love with, the woman I had chased, the person I had written nearly 300 love letters to (she still has them) the person that literally made my heart pump double time by just thinking about her was shrouded in grey, distant. She was doing her best trying to hang on to me but I had lost a level of contact with her.
There were more issues than this that I had lost my way with, but these are interesting to look back on. It may be that I had accurately evaluated my life at the time with a broad and unselfish thought process and concluding that ending my life was best for all. My thoughts on each of these have changed though. Specifically that when I think back, my physical, emotional, mental, spiritual life components were in ruins. Through bad diet, neglect of my body wellness, huge mental stress/ emotional challenges, I do believe that I became unable to think soundly about what was going on around me. I became unable to make decisions that to others would seem easy or sensible. So in a way I did become narrow minded, specifically opposite to broadminded, being able to balance or counter some of the thoughts I had. In a sense I also became selfish, in that I had no capacity anymore to think about other people, even my beautiful young wife.
I chose to reach out for help than for some pills like my cousin did. Ironically I was driving home from a conference on at risk youth ( I was a youth worker at the time) and I was mulling over details about the signs of suicide when I thought holy fuck, thats exactly what I am thinking. It did not register while I was sitting in the seminar though. I didn't drive home but straight to the office of an acquaintance who was a psychiatrist in the community I was living in. I didn't have an appointment, I just showed up. I was only with her for 10 min while she asked a few key question before she basically took control of my life. She phoned my wife to come get me, phoned my employer and said I had finished work indefinitely and set up what was to become 2 years of recovery.
I think there are levels of narrow-mindedness and selfishness involved in some peoples suicide thoughts. Maybe not all people. Sometimes peoples futures are quite clear in the case of terminal illness or punishment for criminal activity. But sometimes, due to the light at the end of the tunnel there is another way to think about your life and move ahead without the need to kill yourself.
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