OT: How to get red wine out of silk

brightonalex · Post by **brightonalex** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 11:59 am

We recently moved into a new house, and my gf's mother gave her a present of a silk carpet, brought over from Bombay. It cost about 3 Virus TIs.

The gf went out on Friday evening and I settled down to walk Kickboxer, and promptly booted a bottle of red wine over the rug. About half a bottle went over it. It was bad news.

So if this ever happens to you, this is what you should do:

Absorb as much as you can with kitchen roll;
Stamp on it;
Remove the kitchen roll, look at the stain and flip out.
Get a damp cloth and put it on the stain, and stamp on it.
Flip out again.
Pour salt all over the stain and leave it for a bit.
Brush the salt off, look at the stain and shout and swear and flip out.
In desperation, pour half a bottle of white wine over the stain, pour salt over it again, and leave it.

Go to bed and have bad dreams (unpleasant ones, not ones about blonde girls).

In the morning, brush off the salt - the stain will be completely, unbelievably, gone without trace.

Your face will be like a tramp's in a film, who sees something so totally astonishing that he takes one last look at his bottle of liquor, and throws it over his shoulder.

In hindsight, I think you may skip to the last couple of steps.

forge · Post by **forge** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 12:04 pm

WoW!

I'm a little disappointed this wasnt instructions on making red wine from silk, but the wow remains

brightonalex · Post by **brightonalex** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 12:06 pm

If you knew my gf you'd understand how scared I was. Seeing the stain gone was almost a religous experience, like I'd managed to clean the shroud of turin.

forge · Post by **forge** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 12:10 pm

wait a minute - did you get a picture of it before you cleaned it? were there any bearded men in it?

are you sure it wasnt just a vivid dream?

brightonalex · Post by **brightonalex** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:47 pm

No, no bearded men. It definitely wasn't a dream, because the rug was still covered with salt.

TITBAG · Post by **TITBAG** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:53 pm

i thought all men who live in brighton are homosexual. is this what you mean when you say you are terrified of 'her'?

jedeye · Post by **jedeye** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:55 pm

another trick is to cover the stain with shaving foam, works a treat

b0unce · Post by **b0unce** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:56 pm

human saliva is also an excellent natural detergent if nothing else is at hand.

brightonalex · Post by **brightonalex** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:58 pm

TITBAG wrote:i thought all men who live in brighton are homosexual. is this what you mean when you say you are terrified of 'her'?

Yes that's right, Titbag. I'm terrified of "her" in the sense that I am frightened of women in case they tempt me to stop being gay any more. If that happened I would be so distraught I would throw myself into a big pink pit of fluff and weep openly.

forge · Post by **forge** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:05 pm

ha ha ha

he said gay

ha ha and that dude's name is to do with tits

noisetonepause · Post by **noisetonepause** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:12 pm

I remember standing outside the Queen's Arms in Iforgetwhichstreet in Brighton after a karaoke night almost yelling "I'm not gay! I just like karaoke! I'm not gay!"

Guy in a pink top and denim jacket with bleached hair walking past stares at me for two seconds and goes "Hyeah, and I'm a fucking virgin!" and continues up the street.

I really don't know what to make of that story.

thelike5 · Post by **thelike5** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:24 pm

Red wine and silk...?

Sounds dirty...

brightonalex · Post by **brightonalex** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:19 pm

thelike5 wrote:Red wine and silk...?

Sounds dirty...

Its my follow-up album to "Hot Tea on Leather".

forge · Post by **forge** » Tue Feb 19, 2008 12:11 am

noisetonepause wrote:I remember standing outside the Queen's Arms in Iforgetwhichstreet in Brighton after a karaoke night almost yelling "I'm not gay! I just like karaoke! I'm not gay!"

Guy in a pink top and denim jacket with bleached hair walking past stares at me for two seconds and goes "Hyeah, and I'm a fucking virgin!" and continues up the street.

I really don't know what to make of that story.

he just fancied you. his loss.

mikemc · Post by **mikemc** » Tue Feb 19, 2008 12:17 am

before she notices, throw her down in the area in question and have your amorous best at her. Then, indicate the stain and exclaim in a surprised yet humorful and forgiving manner 'whups, love, must be that time of the month'.

oooog. i will regret that post later, but I have been sampling the absinthe.